It has been almost 6 months since I last posted anything in this blog. In the recent weeks, I have been pondering on a lot of things and so I've finally decided to create a new post. Currently, we're heading to the finals week of this semester and in less than two weeks, I can have my summer break already. However, I barely have any reasons to anticipate it since right now my mind is still preoccupied with the tons of requirements and tests I have to undertake for the remainder of the semester. Tonight, I actually have to study for two tests tomorrow so at the moment, I'm putting my multitasking skills to the test.
In a post I created a semester ago, I was talking about how I felt so unmotivated towards my studies, and how I was waiting for that turning point. Just to not leave that hanging, I managed to do some efforts to hopefully compensate for my earlier mistakes; and thankfully, those paid off. While the outcome did not really reach the level of my ideal standard, that probably was the best result I could get considering the circumstances.
In the current semester, I didn't really think anything has changed significantly. Often times, there's still that cloud of negativity that floats above my head but I've been doing my best to just carry on and fulfill my responsibilities. There were still a lot of times when I made costly little mistakes that got me frustrated. But in the end, I was able to fend off my woes just to avoid wasting my emotions. I can't really say that I'm already performing better; I know my performance is actually a bit worse. I've kind of hit rock bottom getting the lowest grades I've ever had so far. Upon the moment I learned about it, I wasn't really that surprised, nor did I blame myself excessively for it. I did feel discouraged but I knew I also had to accept my own lapses and shortcomings. Although I usually tend to blame the system for my own downfalls, I'd realize soon enough that I'm the one supposed to adapt. It's the same dilemma as in the previous semesters - thinking I am not good enough in coping up with academic matters. It's a recurring issue. Until now, I still keep wondering what really is hindering me. I may not have a lot of social activities but I still waste a lot of time on my own. I just get too unfocused and I easily lose intrinsic motivation for my goals. For some time, I thought about it and I avoided writing new posts; I knew whatever I posted would just be negative. Ultimately, I decided that it would be better if I wrote when this matter had already been resolved.
In all these moments, the feeling that surfaced within me wasn't actually despair; strange to say, it was actually hope. I knew I was faced with a greater trouble but I felt a little bit more confident compared to before. I think I've had enough of all self-condemnation and unbelief. I've made it this far and I still have a long way to go. If I couldn't change my mindset today, then I am surely bound to fail tomorrow. This time, I learned to believe again - in pursuing my ambitions, and more importantly, in developing the right character and attitude towards my endeavors. In my downfall, I managed to believe in the idea that I could still turn things around. Accepting failure as a challenge - I've finally reached the crucial point. While I'm aware that my life doesn't entirely depend on grades, I have to remind myself that my role and purpose at the moment is to be a student and how I am measured is through those digits.
For the past few weeks, I think I have regained optimism towards my studies. Although at times of immense pressure I am taunted to give up, I'd then realize I have to go on and do the best I can no matter what. For me it's not really a senseless battle to take project after project, report after report, seemingly never-ending requirements. Despite the burden imposed by the responsibilities I have to undertake, I understand that doing so has a meaningful purpose. I believe that the end goal is not just finishing them and getting a grade. I guess it's more important to learn as much such that I could possibly put them into application in the future. That's easy to say but I guess one can not really appreciate it unless he sees the bigger picture.
I am onto the end of the semester and of course it concludes with a lot of exams, projects, and other requirements. So far I am greatly contented with the positive results I have achieved. It's such a relief especially because most went better than I actually expected. I am really overwhelmed at the moment but I know things aren't finished yet. There are still many battles yet to be won. In a span of one week, I still have a lot of challenges to go through. Nevertheless, I am hopeful that I could overcome these trials before I could finally have my deserved break. The light at the end of the tunnel is near and I have to keep on running towards it. I'm halfway there and I need to keep my spirit. My long awaited redemption is almost at hand and I have to take it one step at a time.
In the current semester, I didn't really think anything has changed significantly. Often times, there's still that cloud of negativity that floats above my head but I've been doing my best to just carry on and fulfill my responsibilities. There were still a lot of times when I made costly little mistakes that got me frustrated. But in the end, I was able to fend off my woes just to avoid wasting my emotions. I can't really say that I'm already performing better; I know my performance is actually a bit worse. I've kind of hit rock bottom getting the lowest grades I've ever had so far. Upon the moment I learned about it, I wasn't really that surprised, nor did I blame myself excessively for it. I did feel discouraged but I knew I also had to accept my own lapses and shortcomings. Although I usually tend to blame the system for my own downfalls, I'd realize soon enough that I'm the one supposed to adapt. It's the same dilemma as in the previous semesters - thinking I am not good enough in coping up with academic matters. It's a recurring issue. Until now, I still keep wondering what really is hindering me. I may not have a lot of social activities but I still waste a lot of time on my own. I just get too unfocused and I easily lose intrinsic motivation for my goals. For some time, I thought about it and I avoided writing new posts; I knew whatever I posted would just be negative. Ultimately, I decided that it would be better if I wrote when this matter had already been resolved.
In all these moments, the feeling that surfaced within me wasn't actually despair; strange to say, it was actually hope. I knew I was faced with a greater trouble but I felt a little bit more confident compared to before. I think I've had enough of all self-condemnation and unbelief. I've made it this far and I still have a long way to go. If I couldn't change my mindset today, then I am surely bound to fail tomorrow. This time, I learned to believe again - in pursuing my ambitions, and more importantly, in developing the right character and attitude towards my endeavors. In my downfall, I managed to believe in the idea that I could still turn things around. Accepting failure as a challenge - I've finally reached the crucial point. While I'm aware that my life doesn't entirely depend on grades, I have to remind myself that my role and purpose at the moment is to be a student and how I am measured is through those digits.
For the past few weeks, I think I have regained optimism towards my studies. Although at times of immense pressure I am taunted to give up, I'd then realize I have to go on and do the best I can no matter what. For me it's not really a senseless battle to take project after project, report after report, seemingly never-ending requirements. Despite the burden imposed by the responsibilities I have to undertake, I understand that doing so has a meaningful purpose. I believe that the end goal is not just finishing them and getting a grade. I guess it's more important to learn as much such that I could possibly put them into application in the future. That's easy to say but I guess one can not really appreciate it unless he sees the bigger picture.
I am onto the end of the semester and of course it concludes with a lot of exams, projects, and other requirements. So far I am greatly contented with the positive results I have achieved. It's such a relief especially because most went better than I actually expected. I am really overwhelmed at the moment but I know things aren't finished yet. There are still many battles yet to be won. In a span of one week, I still have a lot of challenges to go through. Nevertheless, I am hopeful that I could overcome these trials before I could finally have my deserved break. The light at the end of the tunnel is near and I have to keep on running towards it. I'm halfway there and I need to keep my spirit. My long awaited redemption is almost at hand and I have to take it one step at a time.
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