It's already my third semester in college. Well, there's nothing really much new stuff to be overwhelmed about. I feel like I have already adapted well enough to the college life. The academic responsibilities I have to deal with this semester aren't really as heavy as in the previous semesters. However, there's just something with this one that makes it different from the rest. Right now, it's just very strange that I don't feel as driven as how I was before. I may not have much responsibilities to carry out; but I don't have determination to do them either. It seems that I have already forgotten how to be the person I was supposed to be. I used to be so enthusiastic towards my ambitions; but now I guess all the fire that resided within me has already died. Yes, it's sounds too pessimistic of me arriving at such conclusion; but after all these times of contemplation, I reckon it to be the truth.
These past few weeks I have been to complacent towards my responsibilities. I feel like I have lost my competence towards my goals. At first I thought it was just because I learned to be contented with my own efforts; but soon enough I realized I wasn't exerting much effort at all. I have always aspired to be the responsible person who could manage his time well; but instead, all my inaction kept me ending up into trouble in several occasions. All the time I was privileged to utilize, I recklessly wasted them all away to irrelevant things. I've witnessed a lot of opportunities come my way; but I acted too mediocre towards every instance that gave me the chance to achieve. Right now, I know I should be doing something to transform myself from this state; but up to now I am still utterly perplexed on how this apathetic attitude has taken over me. I thought the skies overhead would be always clear, and the path I trek would always be definite; but on this moment, I'm off-track and still astray in this sea of heavy mist. I know I need to fix myself and find my way through; but this glitch in my system is something yet to be resolved.
Time has been going by too fast, the days have turned to weeks and weeks turned to months; and now I am already halfway through the semester. As they say, experience is the best teacher. It couldn't be more true on this situation. Now is the time I suffer the consequences of my own faults. The very concrete evidence of my irresponsibility has just been served. Although I'm disappointed, it doesn't surprise me anymore. I saw this one coming; but never did anything to avoid it. I knew from the start I was heading onto this plunge; but it seems that I never cared at all. How dense. I wasn't certain whether I have completely lost control of myself; but the situation tells me that I have. So now comes the period of my decline; now comes the time I drift away from my ambitions. As I wasted the days struggling to figure out the answers, seeking for that little piece of hope, the situation was gradually regressing. But I let this happen; and there's no one else to blame.
But I am no stranger to failure. I have dealt with a lot of failures in my life; and these instances always lead to anxiety and distress. However, after every moment of self-condemnation, I'd always make the setbacks challenge me to do better in the future. That was my secret - to consider failure as a turning point, and not as a permanent downfall. But right now, I am still baffled with the way things are happening, and how I am reacting to the circumstances. By now, I should have reached that turning point where I regain my composure, and finally reacquire all the determination and zeal towards my goals; but that moment still remains trapped in an ideal dimension. It's truly frustrating; I guess I have lost that willpower to steer myself back to the right direction.
Okay, I know I have been too pessimistic the entire article; so let me also ponder on the bright side for a while. For now, I may not yet arrive to a fully resolved conclusion; but at this stage, I have already made some realizations. This situation may have made me realize the gravity of my own mistakes; but it also had served me a lesson on the importance of attitude. Although knowledge and skills are very essential, these would not be accessed or utilized efficiently without employing the right mental attitude. I know that in situations like this, what matters is how you react, and what mindset you choose to accommodate. Life is a constant process of learning. And at this moment, I am still in the midst of unfolding the one big lesson beneath this great trial. A lot of questions still linger in my mind. Will I ever reacquire the spirit I used to have? Will I have the initiative and courage to become a better person? Or will I keep on waiting for a miracle to move me? Time will tell.
These past few weeks I have been to complacent towards my responsibilities. I feel like I have lost my competence towards my goals. At first I thought it was just because I learned to be contented with my own efforts; but soon enough I realized I wasn't exerting much effort at all. I have always aspired to be the responsible person who could manage his time well; but instead, all my inaction kept me ending up into trouble in several occasions. All the time I was privileged to utilize, I recklessly wasted them all away to irrelevant things. I've witnessed a lot of opportunities come my way; but I acted too mediocre towards every instance that gave me the chance to achieve. Right now, I know I should be doing something to transform myself from this state; but up to now I am still utterly perplexed on how this apathetic attitude has taken over me. I thought the skies overhead would be always clear, and the path I trek would always be definite; but on this moment, I'm off-track and still astray in this sea of heavy mist. I know I need to fix myself and find my way through; but this glitch in my system is something yet to be resolved.
But I am no stranger to failure. I have dealt with a lot of failures in my life; and these instances always lead to anxiety and distress. However, after every moment of self-condemnation, I'd always make the setbacks challenge me to do better in the future. That was my secret - to consider failure as a turning point, and not as a permanent downfall. But right now, I am still baffled with the way things are happening, and how I am reacting to the circumstances. By now, I should have reached that turning point where I regain my composure, and finally reacquire all the determination and zeal towards my goals; but that moment still remains trapped in an ideal dimension. It's truly frustrating; I guess I have lost that willpower to steer myself back to the right direction.
Okay, I know I have been too pessimistic the entire article; so let me also ponder on the bright side for a while. For now, I may not yet arrive to a fully resolved conclusion; but at this stage, I have already made some realizations. This situation may have made me realize the gravity of my own mistakes; but it also had served me a lesson on the importance of attitude. Although knowledge and skills are very essential, these would not be accessed or utilized efficiently without employing the right mental attitude. I know that in situations like this, what matters is how you react, and what mindset you choose to accommodate. Life is a constant process of learning. And at this moment, I am still in the midst of unfolding the one big lesson beneath this great trial. A lot of questions still linger in my mind. Will I ever reacquire the spirit I used to have? Will I have the initiative and courage to become a better person? Or will I keep on waiting for a miracle to move me? Time will tell.
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