The Precarious Life

There are just times when you're overwhelmed by how fast things are changing. At one instance you become comfortable believing in a vision of how things would go; but the next thing that happens is how everything turns out so differently. When you are taken by surprise by events you didn't even expect to happen, you know you'd have to accustom to these new circumstances. Eventually, through a period of time, you then learn to develop a new routine to adapt to that new condition. But sometimes, when you've finally given your best to cope up with the changes in your life, and when you already have acquired the courage to adapt and live on, a whole new set of changes are then introduced. It's truly frustrating and discouraging especially when you realize that what you have already given would still not be enough.

Living in the real world is like boarding an unstoppable train passing through a heavy fog. You may know your destination but you cannot see the tracks ahead of you. It is like venturing on a vast new ocean; you wouldn't know how high the waves can be, or when the storm might come. Well,life is unpredictable. I keep getting caught offguard all the time; and I just can't seem to learn. Most of the time, I feel unconfident towards the responsibilities I have to take, and unsure with the decisions I am about to make. With how rapidly the situations are changing, I still don't know up to what extent I could handle things. Maybe tomorrow I could conquer the day, maybe not. Maybe my efforts are good enough for now, maybe I still  have a whole lot more to learn. The future is determined by how we act in the present; but the present is just so precarious. I guess what matters is how we react and adapt to various circumstances we face. We experience challenges, we complain, but soon enough, we learn to adapt. We learn that life goes on whatever the present brings.

The Apathy that Conquered Me

It's already my third semester in college. Well, there's nothing really much new stuff to be overwhelmed about. I feel like I have already adapted well enough to the college life. The academic responsibilities I have to deal with this semester aren't really as heavy as in the previous semesters. However, there's just something with this one that makes it different from the rest. Right now, it's just very strange that I don't feel as driven as how I was before. I may not have much responsibilities to carry out; but I don't have determination to do them either. It seems that I have already forgotten how to be the person I was supposed to be. I used to be so enthusiastic towards my ambitions; but now I guess all the fire that resided within me has already died. Yes, it's sounds too pessimistic of me arriving at such conclusion; but after all these times of contemplation, I reckon it to be the truth.

These past few weeks I have been to complacent towards my responsibilities. I feel like I have lost my competence towards my goals. At first I thought it was just because I learned to be contented with my own efforts; but soon enough I realized I wasn't exerting much effort at all. I have always aspired to be the responsible person who could manage his time well; but instead, all my inaction kept me ending up into trouble in several occasions. All the time I was privileged to utilize, I recklessly wasted them all away to irrelevant things. I've witnessed a lot of opportunities come my way; but I acted too mediocre towards every instance that gave me the chance to achieve. Right now, I know I should be doing something to transform myself from this state; but up to now I am still utterly perplexed on how this apathetic attitude has taken over me. I thought the skies overhead would be always clear, and the path I trek would always be definite; but on this moment, I'm off-track and still astray in this sea of heavy mist. I know I need to fix myself and find my way through; but this glitch in my system is something yet to be resolved.

Time has been going by too fast, the days have turned to weeks and weeks turned to months; and now I am already halfway through the semester. As they say, experience is the best teacher. It couldn't be more true on this situation. Now is the time I suffer the consequences of my own faults. The very concrete evidence of my irresponsibility has just been served. Although I'm disappointed, it doesn't surprise me anymore. I saw this one coming; but never did anything to avoid it. I knew from the start I was heading onto this plunge; but it seems that I never cared at all. How dense. I wasn't certain whether I have completely lost control of myself; but the situation tells me that I have. So now comes the period of my decline; now comes the time I drift away from my ambitions. As I wasted the days struggling to figure out the answers, seeking for that little piece of hope, the situation was gradually regressing. But I let this happen; and there's no one else to blame.

But I am no stranger to failure. I have dealt with a lot of failures in my life; and these instances always lead to anxiety and distress. However, after every moment of self-condemnation, I'd always make the setbacks challenge me to do better in the future. That was my secret - to consider failure as a turning point, and not as a permanent downfall. But right now,  I am still baffled with the way things are happening, and how I am reacting to the circumstances. By now, I should have reached that turning point where I regain my composure, and finally reacquire all the determination and zeal towards my goals; but that moment still remains trapped in an ideal dimension. It's truly frustrating; I guess I have lost that willpower to  steer myself back to the right direction.

Okay, I know I have been too pessimistic the entire article; so let me also ponder on the bright side for a while. For now, I may not yet arrive to a fully resolved conclusion; but at this stage, I have already made some realizations. This situation may have made me realize the gravity of my own mistakes; but it also had served me a lesson on the importance of attitude. Although knowledge and skills are very essential, these would not be accessed or utilized efficiently without employing the right mental attitude. I know that in situations like this, what matters is how you react, and what mindset you choose to accommodate. Life is a constant process of learning. And at this moment, I am still in the midst of unfolding the one big lesson beneath this great trial. A lot of questions still linger in my mind. Will I ever reacquire the spirit I used to have? Will I have the initiative and courage to become a better person? Or will I keep on waiting for a miracle to move me? Time will tell.

The Impending Demise

Imagine yourself piloting a plane thousands of feet above the ground. It's just another day cruising on the sky. Things are all normal; the weather's perfect, you do your usual routine, and basically there's not anything to worry at all. The hours are going by slowly as they usually do. But then a situation comes out of nowhere. All of a sudden, a violent jolt disrupts the flight of your aircraft. One of your engines just failed; and in a matter of time, your plane is heading on to a crash. Being the skilled and experienced pilot that you are, you know you'd have to execute the standard protocol in response to the situation; but this time you're too overwhelmed by the situation. And so you tremble, you're gradually being consumed by all the raging emotions within you; and your thinking ability is shutting down. Now you frantically pull off every desperate effort to mitigate the turmoil. But your fears have now overrun your system; all your courage and morale have receded. You realize you have just jeopardized the lives of the people on board, and your own life as well. You thought you were capable of taking the responsibility; but now you're on the front seat of witnessing your own tragic end.