Three years ago, in my high school, I didn't really have an idea of what I wanted to become in the future; even my family didn't know what course I would be taking. However, I was sure I wanted to be an engineer. I just didn't know which branch of engineering I would go for. My first option was actually chemical engineering since chemistry was one of my favorite subjects. But apparently, I had to take it off from my list because I had experienced a lot of health issues during my high school; and I thought it wouldn't be a good option especially there's vulnerability getting exposed to chemicals. For a period of time, I was clueless about my career preference. But eventually, in the next few months, as I was immersed on various types of school projects, I found myself enjoying those about making models of buildings and bridges. There's always that feeling of relief and contentment on whatever project I finish; but there was something different on dealing with those types of projects. I get excited to work on them, and I enjoy every part of the process. May it be the planning, or the execution, I always worked passionately on them, and I maintain a good attitude towards it. Overall, it was a very interesting and enjoyable learning process for me.
For this reason, I was already convinced that Civil Engineering would be my chosen career path. It wasn't a decision I took out of rush. I have actually thought about it for quite some time and I realized that there were also other factors that makes me fit for the program. Geometry and Analytic Geometry were my other favorite subjects; I was highly interested in geometric principles, and its applications as well.. Although almost everyone I know hated these subjects, I actually enjoyed studying them. Another factor dates back to my childhood. When I was a child I was very fond of making buildings, houses, and even a miniature city made out of Lego blocks together with my siblings. At a very young age, I was already so fascinated with the idea of designing and building structures.
In our senior year in high school, we have undertaken aptitude tests, interest tests, and other activities that helped us choose the best career option. My aptitude test's results revealed I was eligible to most of the fields but except on social services. However, according to the results of the interests test, my greatest inclination was on the engineering field. Eventually, as the months went by, I was already sure of my choice, and I did not consider any other programs anymore since those factors were already enough to convince me to push through with my decision.
In our senior year in high school, we have undertaken aptitude tests, interest tests, and other activities that helped us choose the best career option. My aptitude test's results revealed I was eligible to most of the fields but except on social services. However, according to the results of the interests test, my greatest inclination was on the engineering field. Eventually, as the months went by, I was already sure of my choice, and I did not consider any other programs anymore since those factors were already enough to convince me to push through with my decision.
Two years passed by, and currently, I'm starting my second year in college as a student on the Civil Engineering program. Unlike the previous two semesters when we were taught more of general subjects, now we would be taking subjects related to our chosen course. It's quite an indescribable feeling to witness your own future starting to unfold in front of you; it's when you start to learn about the basic things that would set foundation to the career you are building. Yes, it actually does sound exciting; however, it's not the feeling that is prevailing within me; it is doubt and fear that outweighs.
Honestly, right now I cannot really say that I am perfectly sure of the career I have chosen to pursue. Basically, I have chosen this program because I thought I had the innate qualities that make me fit for this career. Contrary to how most people think, I did not choose this profession because it is an in-demand job today in our world. We're aware that wherever city we may go, construction is booming; and that Civil Engineers are highly paid within and outside the country. With the high demand for Civil Engineers today, the number of aspirants is equivalently high as well. To be honest, I haven't actually foreseen all these things; I've only learned about these from some of my friends, and from news articles. The path I thought was easy actually had much difficulties in store, especially I was just among the thousands of aspirants.
The dilemma I am facing right now is that I cannot visualize the outcome of my career choice. All these times, I only considered my capabilities as a person; but I have failed to consider the actual direction this decision is leading me into. It's not that I am no longer interested with this program; but it's just because I am greatly unsure whether I am capable of dealing with the things practiced in this profession. I am very uncertain weather I could still be enthusiastic enough to learn more in the field I thought was best for me. I am in doubt of myself.
With my first few months in college, I did realize that I could utilize my knowledge and skills in dealing with the different aspects of the program; however, I also became aware of my own weaknesses that make me susceptible to failure if ever I could not overcome these. Though I may have managed to cope up with some difficult challenges in a year of studying, still I remain unconfident and afraid of the greater adversities that lie ahead in this career path. I always feel this incertitude whenever I contemplate on my lack of knowledge and skills in this field. Another discouraging thought is realizing I have undesirable traits as I dealt with various recent experiences. Instead of being that person who makes the perfect plans before undertaking responsibilities, I always end up doing things on the 11th hour with no definite plans. I get so irresponsible and I tend to make decisions out of rush. My career choice demands me to be someone who knows how to plan and make good decisions; but I am a very indecisive person who is more of responsive rather than preventive. If I couldn't change what I am today, then one day I might become a great hazard to the society instead of being of service.
In a few instances, I may have faced struggles in coping up with difficulties regarding the inadequacy of my knowledge and skills for the program; however, right now it is clear that my greatest issue of concern is my lack of a good attitude towards my studies. All these doubts that have accumulated in my mind, are making me fragile and my life precarious. All these times, I have set myself to be imprisoned in my own fears and bounded to my own limitations, making me incompetent. The incorrect mindset I have been keeping has been hindering me from working efficiently in acquiring my endeavors. The inappropriate attitudes I possess are incapacitating me to become the ideal person I envision myself to be.
My idea of success is being able to practice a profession that I can passionately work on all throughout my life. I seek to walk on a path where I spend my life acquiring knowledge, learning skills, and applying them rightfully for the benefit of myself and the society. For the future, I envision myself to be a person who maintains a good attitude towards life, a citizen who willfully takes responsibility of his role in advocating progress and development, and an innovator who enthusiastically seeks for solutions for the existing problems in our society. However, these are only my ideals; and I do not know whether there would be a bridge that connects my aspirations for the future and my actions in the present. There is always that factor of struggle in letting the convergence of theory and action be possible.
Right now it's too early to presume. I cannot say I would not enjoy the journey when I haven't fully experienced it yet; I'm still on the verge of it. Maybe the zeal that resides within me is yet to be awakened. Maybe I just have to let time do its magic. Maybe I should not let myself be shaken by the thought of the uncertainty of the future; instead, I should just focus on the present as I am building my career. Yes, I need to keep going; but of course these won't be happening if I do not change my current mindset. I think I need to develop an optimistic and competent attitude towards my aspirations. I should learn to be more responsible because in the future, I know I have a vital role to play. For now, it may not be easy just to erase all these doubts, as they recur inside my head; but what I know is that I should have faith on this career decision. The end may still not be in sight as I walk on this path; but I know I should keep my eyes on the road.
Honestly, right now I cannot really say that I am perfectly sure of the career I have chosen to pursue. Basically, I have chosen this program because I thought I had the innate qualities that make me fit for this career. Contrary to how most people think, I did not choose this profession because it is an in-demand job today in our world. We're aware that wherever city we may go, construction is booming; and that Civil Engineers are highly paid within and outside the country. With the high demand for Civil Engineers today, the number of aspirants is equivalently high as well. To be honest, I haven't actually foreseen all these things; I've only learned about these from some of my friends, and from news articles. The path I thought was easy actually had much difficulties in store, especially I was just among the thousands of aspirants.
The dilemma I am facing right now is that I cannot visualize the outcome of my career choice. All these times, I only considered my capabilities as a person; but I have failed to consider the actual direction this decision is leading me into. It's not that I am no longer interested with this program; but it's just because I am greatly unsure whether I am capable of dealing with the things practiced in this profession. I am very uncertain weather I could still be enthusiastic enough to learn more in the field I thought was best for me. I am in doubt of myself.
With my first few months in college, I did realize that I could utilize my knowledge and skills in dealing with the different aspects of the program; however, I also became aware of my own weaknesses that make me susceptible to failure if ever I could not overcome these. Though I may have managed to cope up with some difficult challenges in a year of studying, still I remain unconfident and afraid of the greater adversities that lie ahead in this career path. I always feel this incertitude whenever I contemplate on my lack of knowledge and skills in this field. Another discouraging thought is realizing I have undesirable traits as I dealt with various recent experiences. Instead of being that person who makes the perfect plans before undertaking responsibilities, I always end up doing things on the 11th hour with no definite plans. I get so irresponsible and I tend to make decisions out of rush. My career choice demands me to be someone who knows how to plan and make good decisions; but I am a very indecisive person who is more of responsive rather than preventive. If I couldn't change what I am today, then one day I might become a great hazard to the society instead of being of service.
In a few instances, I may have faced struggles in coping up with difficulties regarding the inadequacy of my knowledge and skills for the program; however, right now it is clear that my greatest issue of concern is my lack of a good attitude towards my studies. All these doubts that have accumulated in my mind, are making me fragile and my life precarious. All these times, I have set myself to be imprisoned in my own fears and bounded to my own limitations, making me incompetent. The incorrect mindset I have been keeping has been hindering me from working efficiently in acquiring my endeavors. The inappropriate attitudes I possess are incapacitating me to become the ideal person I envision myself to be.
My idea of success is being able to practice a profession that I can passionately work on all throughout my life. I seek to walk on a path where I spend my life acquiring knowledge, learning skills, and applying them rightfully for the benefit of myself and the society. For the future, I envision myself to be a person who maintains a good attitude towards life, a citizen who willfully takes responsibility of his role in advocating progress and development, and an innovator who enthusiastically seeks for solutions for the existing problems in our society. However, these are only my ideals; and I do not know whether there would be a bridge that connects my aspirations for the future and my actions in the present. There is always that factor of struggle in letting the convergence of theory and action be possible.
Right now it's too early to presume. I cannot say I would not enjoy the journey when I haven't fully experienced it yet; I'm still on the verge of it. Maybe the zeal that resides within me is yet to be awakened. Maybe I just have to let time do its magic. Maybe I should not let myself be shaken by the thought of the uncertainty of the future; instead, I should just focus on the present as I am building my career. Yes, I need to keep going; but of course these won't be happening if I do not change my current mindset. I think I need to develop an optimistic and competent attitude towards my aspirations. I should learn to be more responsible because in the future, I know I have a vital role to play. For now, it may not be easy just to erase all these doubts, as they recur inside my head; but what I know is that I should have faith on this career decision. The end may still not be in sight as I walk on this path; but I know I should keep my eyes on the road.
side note: It has become apparent to me that blogging has increasingly become one of the modern venues of expression for the younger batches...which is a good thing because people get to see your perspective.
ReplyDeleteanyway, going back to the topic....you are doing well, daryll. you are on the right path. be glad you are pursuing a higher education for yourself, while others would have easily stopped. no matter how scared, uncertain and discouraged you feel, admitting that you are is a sign of maturity. This is normal. come to think of it, you are only in your 2nd year. you are barely touching on the real course of your field. the things you learn are new, difficult and can be a let-down sometimes, but they will become fascinating in the long run. know that you are not going through this uncertainty-and-doubt-phase alone. take me for example, I have been studying at community college for far too long, and I still haven't transferred...yet. (talk about being left behind and discouraged, I know how that feels.) I am still stuck on the thought whether I should stick to my decision or not. I am like you; I too "thought I had the innate qualities that make me fit for [the medical/biological] career." I am pushing myself to finish this course but it's proving to be harder than it seems. It is so easy to just change majors, but will changing majors be the absolute fix? I don't really know either. who knows, I may have a hard time with that course, too. so for now, make small decisions, and see where they take you. greatness doesn't come right away, it comes in small constant steps. take a step back, look for the big picture and relax a bit; all these worries are merely in your head. you are doing fine! :D PS. I like how this article is worded - both the structure and your own writing style.
Thank you Ate Rachel! Yes, writing has been my way to not only to express my views, but also to free my mind from lots of thoughts occupying my head. It's really difficult especially I tend to overthink most of the time; that's why I resorted to writing them down in my blog posts. Although I do not really get much views, I still continue to write for this reason. Anyway, thanks for leaving a comment, I really appreciate people giving feedback on my works! :)
ReplyDeleteI am relieved to have known that this is just a normal occurrence. I thought it was just me who is experiencing this kind of career path crisis. Glad to hear that we are on the same page! Like you, when things get rough, I also try to consider switching to other programs but later on I realize I have no idea where else I'd want to go.
Though we share the same struggles, I guess mine are nothing close to what you are facing right now because your'e pursuing a medical course - said to be the toughest field of study. I know there'd be a lot of pressure by choosing this course but I firmly believe you can make it through because you already have the intelligence, the right attitude, and the guts to achieve. For me, I am still in the process of developing such. But I'm still on the second year of this program, and still haven't been immersed on the real field itself. I still have much skills more to learn and attitudes to develop.
Well, I guess we would eventually know ourselves better as we go on walking on our career paths. And yes, it's true that making simple steps, not overthinking and relaxing a bit would gradually lessen all these complications of our thoughts.
To be honest I am not really that knowledgeable in words; I use the thesaurus whenever I write just to avoid being so repetitive. Yes, I always want to be organized with the structures so that it would be clearly understandable to the readers. And actually, I exert more effort in organization of structures in formal essays, than in writing these types of posts, I only make sure the paragraphs aren't long enough. haha! :)
Again, Thank you so much Ate Rachel! :D
- Daryll