Downfall and Conquest

Today is a summer day of 2014 and I remember a year ago, I graduated high school and enrolled for college. On those times I still didn't have much idea on how my first year in college would be like. I didn't really have a vivid mental picture on what I would be experiencing. From what everyone has told me, I thought the first year in college would be easier than high school. Now that I have just survived my first year in college, I could say that everything was totally different from what I've expected it to be. On some aspect, it's better than high school; on another hand, it's much more complex.

In college, I have found myself immersed in an entirely different world. For me who comes from another island, I am not really familiar with the city. Though we visit here every Christmas, I haven't really had an in-depth knowledge on city living. It's a new environment with new people; and it's a different reality. I had to adjust to a new physical and social environment. Well, those weren't the only coping up I had to do. I also had to adjust on the academic aspect as well. As they say, engineering is one of the toughest courses; and basing from my experiences in the first year of this program, I conclude that it is true. Honestly, I only learned about this during college; and it wasn't something I have foreseen when I was in high school. All I knew back then was I wanted to become an engineer because I could deal with math. And I thought everything would go so smoothly since they say the first year in college wouldn't be that hard; but reality did prove me wrong. 

In my first semester, everything was supposed to be alright. Most of the subjects were like a review of high school, except there was a subject teaching about the overview of  Civil Engineering. I thought everything was manageable; but something that caught me off guard. As all engineering courses are required to take, I had to deal with this subject called engineering drafting. It is a fundamental skill on learning the graphical language used by engineers and other technical personnel associated with the engineering profession. The purpose of engineering drawing is to convey graphically the ideas and information necessary for the construction or analysis of machines, structures, or systems. (definition from thefreedictionary.com) 

This was really a disadvantage for me since I am really not talented in drawing, and my penmanship is horrible. Actually, my father who is an electrical engineer, has excellent penmanship - very engineer-like; and his drawing is undeniably great. One time in fifth grade when our printer ran out of ink, he wrote my homework; and the product didn't even seem like it was handwritten. I can't enumerate more but I think that's enough to prove my point. Unfortunately, his youngest son didn't acquire these features. I don't know what happened in the process; but I guess genetics didn't favor me. Although Geometry was one of my favorite subjects in high school aside from Chemistry, I am only good in the theoretical aspect. Anyway, first we had to be familiar working with the tools- the drafting pens, the compass, the triangles, the scales, and everything else. In our first activity, my performance was of course terrible. It wasn't only because of my penmanship, but I also didn't know how to use the drafting pens. it's way different from the standard pens we use; it's a bit larger in radius with a long pointed tip, and each cost a thousand. The worst thing is -  if the ink would blot on your paper, you have to do everything again back from the start since the professor is strict in terms of cleanliness. Three continuous hours in a week was allotted to this subject; but those hours go so fast since it's always full of pressure. I hated those since my performance would worsen if I were pressured. But actually, I was lucky enough to be seated next to a person who already had drafting experience in his high school. He taught me some of the things to do and not to do in drafting, and those actually helped me in coping up. I really envy those experienced people since every activity was always easy for them; meanwhile, an inexperienced me is always struggling to pass a clean and satisfactory work. 

One of the times I will never forget was when I worked all night to work on two plates to be submitted the next day. The homework was given the week before, and I actually had previous drafts but I disposed them since they were messy and full of errors. I got tired of doing and I just felt so unmotivated; so I never did them days before it was due. What a great mistake that was since I had to burn the midnight candle on the eve of submission. It was the most stressful night of my life. I poured all my blood, sweat, and tears as I was working; and I tore some drafting papers that had errors in them because of my extreme frustration. I was so nervous the whole process because I didn't want to make a mistake. However, the consequences of time-pressure, and sleep deprivation were numerous wasted drafts, and an unfinished mediocre output. The next day, I went to school with absolutely no sleep. I had to bear with my drowsiness throughout the day and I worked on it when the time was free. Because I was doing some finishing touches to my works during lunch break, I entered the class late. Never have I expected the worst of things to happen - both works were marked failing grades. It was a horrendous nightmare; all my hard work and hours of working were repaid with such. I thought it was unacceptable; but I guess that was the price of my irresponsibility. It was beyond disheartening; but later on I accepted it since it was all my fault anyway. I was already open to the possibility that I may not pass the subject. 

During those times, I felt like I lost all hope. I thought I wasn't fit for the engineering program, that my decision in choosing this program was a big mistake. This weakness of mine made me re-consider in continuing my engineering course. On some instances, I wanted to quit, and I thought of pursuing an aviation-related course instead. But I guess those arguments with my self  didn't come to a serious point; it was all just up to an idea. One time I opened it up to my brother, and I expressed on how I was having difficulties with the subject. I complained that if only I knew about drafting beforehand, I could have prepared for it. But what he told me was something that opened my eyes, and something I still value up to now. He told me that in college, you are there to learn.  At the beginning, you are not expected to be already excellent; that the purpose of education is for you to learn and acquire the skills taught, so that you could be excellent. For days I contemplated on this and I gradually found courage and strength to go on. I regained hope and my optimism to pursue with my course, and I developed a new perspective. Instead of looking at it as a weakness, I viewed it as a challenge - a great one. I started practicing more, and I looked for ways to improve my penmanship, drawing, and my overall performance. I had to equal that great challenge with the great courage I have found. I was determined in looking for solutions to my own crisis. 

I tried to look at the factors that affect my performance; and the main reason was the pens I use. I always had much difficulty with those permanent tech pens; they blot easily, you  have to change the ink occasionally, and they always fall off from my compass. Because of these, my outputs were always messy. I guess using permanent was the primary reason I couldn't pass quality works. Since then, I opted for temporary tech pens instead. They were much cheaper, you didn't have to change its ink, they're easier to use, and for me those were way more efficient. I also bought a new compass since the other one was only compatible to permanent. With my new materials, and all the hard work I dedicated, I gradually improved in my drafting. I also learned to enjoy and understand the process instead of merely wanting to finish it, and always being so nervous about making a mistake. Unlike before, when I treated every activity as a burden, now it has become a new opportunity to improve. I developed a lot of techniques to make my work faster and easier without compromising the quality of my output. I also did my best to improve my time-management and never to be late for that subject. 

To sum it all up, I did pass the drafting subject. Though it's the lowest grade among the other subjects,  I am satisfied; it's what I deserve. And it's not really a big pull-down for my weighted average grade since it's just one unit. Anyway, the most important thing is that I have learned to deal with this unforeseen challenge. I have learned that life doesn't go so smoothly as you expect it to be; there will always be an instance when you'll have to face your own weaknesses. And when that moment comes, it probably might take you by surprise. It will either break your spirit, or build your character; it depends on how you deal with the situation. But I know all of us has a breaking point; one day you will feel defeated in the midst of all the challenges that encompass you. One day you will ask a lot of questions, you will cry out all your complaints to life, you will keep on blaming others until you learn there's no one else to blame but yourself.  I know it is terrible when you feel like you're walking alone, carrying all your heavy burdens. On these moments, you just have to find peace within yourself, and seek counsel from the people around you, and from God. When you think all hope is lost, find it. You have to break away from all that negativity that surrounds you, and find a way to fight the things that torment you. Pause for a moment, and look at all the better things in life. And if you have already done all these, try to find the solutions rationally; you shouldn't overthink because it will only make things worse. Let your weaknesses and your failures challenge you. Every day is always an opportunity to improve yourself. Just keep believing in yourself - that you can overcome the challenges life gives you.  Change is not an overnight process; but if you have enough dedication, you will see the magic unravel in front of your eyes.