"Maybe tomorrow", I tell myself again as I let another day pass, thinking about the things I intend to do but never manage to make. I've already identified my objectives but I'm still yet to develop a strategy that would improve my chances of making it through. I know that I'm not making the most out of my time, and I'm fairly certain I don't have much of it left. So what am I even doing? Not enough. That's for sure.
While my life isn't exactly spiraling out of control, I'm currently not functioning at the level that I know I can be capable of achieving. To this point, I still keep on letting opportunities slip away at an alarming rate. Looks like I haven't managed to fix that. Now I'm starting to think that I'd probably deviate and fall short of my own expectations at this rate. I don't want that to happen, not at all. But if that's the case, then why do I not possess the sense of urgency to steer myself back on course? Am I avoiding the struggle necessary for me to develop? It seems to point that way.
In each day that I try to maintain my balance, I always feel as though there's something beneath that tries to drag me back down to the pit that I escaped from. I guess a part of me may have been so used to being in a bitter and senseless state; that these days, even though there are no significant problems supposed to distract me, my own mind seeks for unnecessary trouble just to manifest its proclivity for idleness and inaction.
Right now, I just want to go on with what I do so I could keep on moving forward; but it's hard to do that when you are not one with yourself. On most days, I am able to function well when I manage to convince myself to do the necessary tasks for the day. On some occasions, the resisting part supersedes me. It forcefully makes me break away from the normal routine I try to maintain. I hate it when that happens. When I stop functioning for the remainder of the day, or week, my plans get derailed and I drift away.
I believe that this level of self-consciousness is quite burdensome. It demands a great deal of attention and mental strain. But I also feel that it's something I should seek to understand. Maybe there's an internal gauge within me that warns me of possible internal issues. Maybe it says that my eyes are too fixed outwards; that I need to pay more attention to what's happening inside me. It seems to be the case - that's what my intuition tells me. But I also know that I can't allow myself to get stuck in this ditch forever. I guess I just need to deal with these internal matters momentarily before they'd eventually become potent enough to bring me down again.
I've already set my sights up high and I want to keep it that way. Without ambition, I would have nowhere to be. I need to go back to functioning at the level I am capable of. Maybe I could even try to go beyond that. If I am successful in pacifying the internal struggle within, maybe I could negotiate with inner self better. For now, I'm still quite off-course but know I'm already on my way.
While my life isn't exactly spiraling out of control, I'm currently not functioning at the level that I know I can be capable of achieving. To this point, I still keep on letting opportunities slip away at an alarming rate. Looks like I haven't managed to fix that. Now I'm starting to think that I'd probably deviate and fall short of my own expectations at this rate. I don't want that to happen, not at all. But if that's the case, then why do I not possess the sense of urgency to steer myself back on course? Am I avoiding the struggle necessary for me to develop? It seems to point that way.
In each day that I try to maintain my balance, I always feel as though there's something beneath that tries to drag me back down to the pit that I escaped from. I guess a part of me may have been so used to being in a bitter and senseless state; that these days, even though there are no significant problems supposed to distract me, my own mind seeks for unnecessary trouble just to manifest its proclivity for idleness and inaction.
Right now, I just want to go on with what I do so I could keep on moving forward; but it's hard to do that when you are not one with yourself. On most days, I am able to function well when I manage to convince myself to do the necessary tasks for the day. On some occasions, the resisting part supersedes me. It forcefully makes me break away from the normal routine I try to maintain. I hate it when that happens. When I stop functioning for the remainder of the day, or week, my plans get derailed and I drift away.
I believe that this level of self-consciousness is quite burdensome. It demands a great deal of attention and mental strain. But I also feel that it's something I should seek to understand. Maybe there's an internal gauge within me that warns me of possible internal issues. Maybe it says that my eyes are too fixed outwards; that I need to pay more attention to what's happening inside me. It seems to be the case - that's what my intuition tells me. But I also know that I can't allow myself to get stuck in this ditch forever. I guess I just need to deal with these internal matters momentarily before they'd eventually become potent enough to bring me down again.
I've already set my sights up high and I want to keep it that way. Without ambition, I would have nowhere to be. I need to go back to functioning at the level I am capable of. Maybe I could even try to go beyond that. If I am successful in pacifying the internal struggle within, maybe I could negotiate with inner self better. For now, I'm still quite off-course but know I'm already on my way.
