October Odyssey

Up to now, I'm still adrift in ambiguous waters with no idea of where I am at the moment. I was supposed to orient myself towards a certain direction but now I find myself in a vast empty space with no means of navigating through. As each day passes by, I realize I'm not getting any closer to my desired destination. I am running out of time. If I don't make it out of here, I might not get to anywhere else at all. I try to think and let the fear subside. Perhaps there's still something I can do. Perhaps, I just don't know how to start again. It's tough. I've already lost the will to continue and I know I can't turn back. Why would I journey this far for all these just not to count? I suppose I'm left with no choice but to make the most of what I have just to find my way back.

There and Back Again

So here I find myself again in this dark and desolate place where it always seems so familiar yet also incredibly hostile. While it hasn't been long since I last got out of a predicament like this, I'm stuck once more in this wasteland with little to no memory of how I made it through the previous one. It's quite strange when it hits you because it's not something you could actually anticipate. It's when life suddenly becomes so unreasonably unstructured that you can no longer tell when a day ends and the next one begins. Everything's just up in the air and you become incapable of formulating plans for the following day or the immediate future.

Well I guess the worst part is the heavy dose of emotion that comes along with every episode. For me, it gets too much to bear even if I try to numb myself down. As much as I try to swim out of it, I still keep on drowning every now and then. There'd always be a time when you thought you've finally reached the surface to finally breathe again, but some little trigger would just drag you further down.

It's both surreal and pathetic trying to get over a situation such as this. I still feel terrified of going back to the world and face whatever it is that's out there. I know I have to keep up with reality but  I'm still highly unsure of myself and whether I can fare on life's waters again. Up to this moment, I remain to be trapped in this bubble that I let myself slip into. I have to be better in a lot of aspects but  right now I'm terribly off-course with no adequate knowledge of how I could get back on track.